Monkey Goes to a Party, Gets Smashed, Sees Who His Real Friends Are

“No, Dr. Baloney, you won’t feel like this forever.”

Note the token asshole in the back with Flip.

but you know what, with Coco Pebbles sometimes you just forget about limits.

Calz1. (and im back on bullshiiiiiit)

Beer, cigarettes, and a barrel of crude oil

Not sure if this is what the founders of the City of Long Beach had in mind when the started building oil derricks like they were going out of style.

Damnson, Daniel Plainview needs to chill the fuck out. Have a drink, not a milkshake, perhaps a tasty bevy from the local Oil Patch Liquor store.

Now all those oil derricks have successfully been converted to liquor stores like the one above and the City of Long Beach continues to have a thriving economy.  We all win.

Enfuego.

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Rockysoft Mountain Retreat

Half of the Rocksoft crew will be away this weekend on a team-building exercise/ski trip/sloshfest in The Centennial State. We hope to report some valuable news, events, cover art, and possibly some Rated R material.

Some of our goals include: paying homage to these guys and these guys, attempting to get a mile high, riding the blue mustang and engaging in a lot of this…

Enfuego.

Psycho Economics 101

We are all feeling the effects of the vastly diminishing economy and, while some are selling trivial possessions in order to have a few extra bucks, others are selling their kids. By “others”, I mean one legit father by the name of Marcelino de Jesus Martinez. Martinez decided to sell his 14-year-old daughter into marriage with his neighbor. Just what was she worth you ask? The sum of $16,000, 100 cases of beer, and several cases of meat. Really? I mean, REALLY? How degrading can you get? First, $16,000 is about the cost of a Ford Focus and, is also a sum much less than what a full-time worker at McDonald’s would make in 1 year. Then, to top it off, you’re willing to give her up for some beer and meat? Wtf is that? And I want specifics! What kind of meat and what kind of beer are we talking about? But here’s the kicker, the moron who purchased said girl never paid up. So what did good old Martinez do? He called the cops to complain and get his daughter back. Was Martinez unaware of the law AGAINST human trafficking? Did he not realize he was fucked in this situation and that perhaps, what he had done was far more fucked up than what the scum that bought the girl did? At first, I was shocked. I know people are dumb, but who knew they were this dumb? But then I saw his picture and it all made sense (see below).

Jsis.

21st Amendment = Party Time/Excellent

Today marks 75 years since Prohibition was repealed. Check your favorite spots, I’m sure they’re celebrating. Totally Tubular.

Calz1.