Beer, cigarettes, and a barrel of crude oil

Not sure if this is what the founders of the City of Long Beach had in mind when the started building oil derricks like they were going out of style.

Damnson, Daniel Plainview needs to chill the fuck out. Have a drink, not a milkshake, perhaps a tasty bevy from the local Oil Patch Liquor store.

Now all those oil derricks have successfully been converted to liquor stores like the one above and the City of Long Beach continues to have a thriving economy.  We all win.

Enfuego.

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The Return of the Tasty Bevy

Fitz’s Bottling Company in St. Louis makes some of the best Root Beer and Cream Soda in the nation. What’s great about these guys is that they produce much more than the classic sodas, Strawberry Pop being one of these non-traditional flavors.

This stuff is right on par with their classics. If you could liquify a strawberry starburst, carbonate it, and throw it in a bottle, you’d have Fitz’s Strawberry Pop. If that doesn’t sound appetizing to you, then you aren’t patriotic. Stop letting the terrorists win. Thanks.

Enfuego.

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Scottish Gangsters Drink This

Sexual bottles are always limited edition.

For its 100th birthday, Johnnie Walker Black Label is coming at us in this beautiful design for only £100. Only 100 bottles are available, individually numbered of course, and they are not available Stateside.

If you can track one down and are willing to drop $200 on a bottle whose contents normally would cost you $30, then go for it, I won’t stop you.

Enfuego.

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Tasty Bevvies: The Undisputed Cola Champion

Delicious. Textured. Spicy. Strong & Natural.

Yes, Natural.

Just to silence the skeptics, take a look at the ingredients in this new King of Colas:

Water

Sugar

Carbon dioxide

Natural caramel flavor

Natural flavors from plant extracts (0.37%): galangal, vanilla, mustard seed, lime, kola nut, cocoa, liquorice, cinnamon, lemon, ginger, coca leaf, orange, corn mint, pine, cardamom, mace, clove, and lemon juice concentrate

Caffeine from coffee beans.

If you’ve ever had a Coca-Cola in Europe or Mexico, you have tasted the stark difference between Sugar and High Fructose Corn Syrup. The taste of Red Bull Cola is similar, but with a deeper spice than Coke, presumably because of all the plant extracts (mace! yummmm….). It’s got the same carbonation sting you’ve come to love from all the name-brand sodas, making for a thoroughly enjoyable Colaxation experience.

The one stinkin’ gripe is the name. Why, oh why, Red Bull, did you have to associate an all-natural cola brand with your chemical wasteland energy drink? It would have done dreams for this beverage to call it something else. Instead this fantastic product is probably going to be off shelves before anyone realized it was on them.

My advice to you is to try one, and spread the word like it’s swine flu.

-$.

Orgy Preparedness in a Bottle

Bacchus-D, this energy drink rolls deep. Balls deep actually.

Despite being a product of South Korea, this erection in a bottle is named after the infamous Greek and Roman orgies of centuries past.

I had myself one of these on Friday night and was ready for some hardcore couch-sitting.

(Side Note: This product contains royal jelly, which has a reported side effect of inducing asthma. I can attest to this claim.)

I think we all know what the D stands for.

Enfuego.

The Roots Come Alive

I was graciously included in a blind root beer tasting this past weekend, and I thought it would nice to share some of the results with you.

The above bottles took the top three spots in the tasting.  The two on the outside were more of the creamy fare and tied for second.

In the middle, Fitz’s, took the top prize. It was just the classic, well-balanced root beer taste. Highly recommended.

There will be more tasting results coming your way in the near future, so look out.

Enfuego.  

Devout Birchgoer

Recently I have been on quite the Root Beer kick. Not to say that it has replaced my affinity for Ginger Ales and Beers, but I have been opened up to a whole new world of soda pop.

As I delved deeper into this world, I discovered Root Beer’s closest family members: Sarsaparilla and Birch Beer. If you like them sweet and sharp, Birch Beer is for you…

From the always solid bottling company of Boylan’s… the Creamy Red Birch Beer. With a hint of vanilla, this stuff is sweet, smooth, complex, and of course, creamy. It is described as “entry level” so I can only imagine what the Original Birch Beer tastes like. Soon enough.

Enfuego.

Not soo Tasty

This week’s bevy review is the 24oz of Tecate. 

Yea yea… I know Tecate is not a juice, but still I was sipping on one of these bad boys last night and felt it deserved a review… So I am giving it a

.5/10

Yea thats right 2.5 out of 10, because it was straight up gross. Oh man it was like a challenge to get that thing down, kinda ruined my night and my Legend of Bagger Vance viewing experience. (Still not really sure what happened in that film)

So next time one of your buddies tells you to bring over a tall boy, please think twice and stay away from Tecate, Cause that shit tastes like shit.

z.

Obama Administration Does Coke

Despite the similarities between the Obama logo and Pepsi’s redesigned logo…

And despite Pepsi’s continued efforts to associate itself with the new Administration…

Pepsi still loses battle to long-time foe Coca-Cola. Sorry Pepsi, but it seems the Obama Admistration prefers Coke.

If I recall correctly, President Bush II, despite being a fan of the nose candy, was more of a Pepsi man.

Enfuego.

Juice From Nuts… Get Out of Here

I know you have been dying all week for my tasty bevvy of the week so here it is… The one and only cashew juice!!!

 

Yea that’s right, juice from a cashew… trippy I know and it’s also rich in vitamin C and fat free (yea that rhymed). This guy is hard to find and might only be sold in LA and New York. I know that Whole Foods in NY has recently become a carrier. It has a refreshing feel and a nice sweet after taste. Does not really taste like cashews at all. There was a shanky liquor store in LA on Pico and Sawtelle that used to carry it but it’s unclear if they knew they carried it or still do.

Here is the company’s site in case you want to order some online… the acai juice gets a 6.5 Newmans… as for the cashew juice…

/ 1o Newmans

So try it… the juice man is into it…

z.

The Best Around??

Lemonade. Always too sweet or too watered down. But rest assured loyal Rocksoft fans, I, the Juice Man, think I have found the “best” lemonade bought in stores. Thank you Sweet Leaf Tea for making your super delicious lemonade. 

   / 10

That is a remarkable 9 out of 10 Paul Newmans for Sweet Leaf Lemonade. Tying it with the Inko’s Tea.

 

In the words of Clipse… Wamp Wamp Sweet Tea what a do what a do. 

z.

 

Coke’s Marketing Plan Gets Ugly

Coke’s marketing directive has steered away from long-time rival PepsiCo, and has zeroed in on drawing health-conscious beverage drinkers to its side. The new grassroots effort has become an outright smear campaign against the entire juice category, and might have gone a little far this time.

Guy to his right: "Hey... Hassan... maybe we should erase the "Zionist" part, kind of confuses the whole Juice message doesn't it? Just saying.."

Alright guys, enough is enough. Juice was here way before you guys came along with your suspect ingredients and your crazy portrayal of Santa.

What is the world coming to, when we can’t peaceably co-exist, juice and soda united in eternal harmony?

-$.

Ginger Fail

One thing I know…Hansen’s makes some shitty soft drinks and their Diet Ginger Ale is no exception. With notes of aluminum and barf, this was not the crowd pleaser I was hoping for when I decided to go carb-free on my latest ginger ale fix. Bad idea.

 

 

In order to right this wrong I sought out the bombest of bomb ginger ales, Fever-Tree, straight out the UK.  This delectable beverage comes with class, in a tiny ass 200 mL (6.7 oz) bottle. 

This stuff is real hard to find and if you do track some down, let me know where I can cop some of that ginger beer.  Thanks. 

And I almost forgot, fuck you Hansen’s. 

 

Enfuego.

Tasty Dactyl

So I pride myself on tasting every new drink I see at a bodega, and consider myself a connoisseur on juice and tasty beverages. I am going to start recommending these juices and maybe one day have a drink-off taste competition. Here is one to get you started…

Inko’s White Teas are some of my favorites and only 56 calories per bottle for you health nuts. The Melon is my fav but you can’t go wrong with Lychee, Peach, or Blueberry.

z.