Bacon seems to be in everything these days. Not just fattening up our favorite food products, but also adding a little something to our sex life.
Now you can clean yourself with a bar of bacon infused soap. No longer do we have to avoid getting soap it in our mouths because now it’s a tasty serving of saturated fat. But if it gets in your eyes? Instant blindness. Use with caution.
Enfuego.
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Those countless hours of Ninja Gaiden finally paid off for one serious gamer.
Here is a rule of thumb for thieves, don’t break into a residence of some college kid who owns a sword and wants to put it to real-life use. One burglar disregarded this rule and got his ass shanked to death.
This once again proves that it is truly impossible to defend against the Up, Down, Left, Right, A, B, Select, Start combo move.
Enfuego.
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When keeping it real goes wrong.
Now you know Rocksoft is a huge fan of these Xzibit images, but little did we know there was a website dedicated to this brilliant series.
Yo (Yo Dawg) Dawg, you make my daaaay-eeeyyaayy.
Enfuego (via LaRoushe).
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And don’t give me that “actually wikipedia is an open-source encyclopedia, meaning anyone in their righteously bigoted mind can edit it” nonsense.
Shameful.
-$.
Rocksoft Oft.
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“No, Dr. Baloney, you won’t feel like this forever.”
Note the token asshole in the back with Flip.
but you know what, with Coco Pebbles sometimes you just forget about limits.
Calz1. (and im back on bullshiiiiiit)
I’m pretty sure I just found my new favorite time-killing website. You know those text messages you send and then instantly regret? Or the ones you receive late-night, randomly that make you feel slightly uncomfortable? Well, someone created a site for you and everyone else in the world to post these classic text messages. You have to sift through them, but there are definitely some golden texts in there.
Some of my favorites so far
(614): She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
(478): So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
(410): Sounds like a really classy character….
(478): He is classy. It was argyle.
(512): Can Purell be used as lube?
(661): Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
(831): Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
(857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you’re making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
(925): i think i just met the girl of my dreams. someone made a serious statement about rape and she said “pish posh, i love surprise sex”
Jsis.
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Do you have a penis? Then you probably like explosions and you probably like boobs. Unless, of course, you also like penis, in which case, this might not be the post for you. Well some creative, probably male, human being created a website that combines both the glorious nature of explosions juxtaposed with arguably one of the best parts of the female body, boobs. While some of the boob shots are truly lackluster, most of them go well next to the mostly intriguing shots of explosions. Even though the site isn’t the greatest website in the world, I admire the man who came up with such a ridiculous idea.
Jsis.
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In Fribourg, Switzerland, police are looking into a somewhat odd and grotesque claim that has been made by a 7-year old girl. The girl claims that she found a condom in her Happy Meal. Specifically, the condom was found amongst the little girl’s french fries. The girl’s mother called to inform authorities of the finding. Police said Monday they were investigating where the condom came from and how it got into the Happy Meal. They said an analysis was being done to determine if the condom posed a health risk. This could be another one of those planted items at a fast food joint in hopes to sue and get money. We all remember the finger that was planted at Wendy’s in the chili.
+ 
= 
Jsis.
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Today my boy Schreck alerted me to the blog of one Joe Rogan. In an article from April 2006, Rogan chronicles a trip to the zoo and shares his trite inner-ramblings about humans’ treatment of animals. Among his childish epiphanies, he did reference one tidbit which made me scratch my chin for sec.
Terence McKenna believed that [apes' brain sizes increased] because some of the apes discovered and started eating psilocybin mushrooms. It was his theory that as the climate changed, and the rain forest receded into grasslands, some of the apes started eating these mushrooms as a regular part of their diet, and along the way they developed new ways of thinking.
If you’ve ever done mushrooms, then you probably know some of the logic behind his theory.
What these mushrooms do at high doses is that they give you a completely different way of looking at the world. Like a giant pause button that allows you to step out of a scene, and take a fresh look at it, free from the constraints of normal patterns of thinking, and even your own preconceived notions of yourself.
Now, I’m no scientist, but that sounds like a recipe for evolution to me.
No, you really are no scientist Joe, but you may be onto something here.
Of course, if you’ve ever taken mushrooms and tried to write about what you were thinking, what probably came out on the paper was something resembling a giant, sparkling cat drinking a river’s worth of absynthe from a genie’s lamp. So who knows how productive psychadelics really are to our consciousness?
Drug on, my druggie friends, and steer clear of the horror stories.
-$.
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J&D’s has become famous for making bacon flavored products. At first, the products, which include a line of different types of bacon flavored salts and their famous baconnaise, seemed pretty normal. Bacon flavored salt? Sounds like it could be good. Bacon flavored mayonaise? Hmm, again, could be delicious. However, J&D’s has recently expanded by including bacon flavored lube. Really? I understand some don’t enjoy the taste of gentials, but bacon flavored gentials does not sound like much of an improvement.
If you’re the type of guy that thinks that putting lube that tastes like bacon in a girl’s vagina is a good idea, then you might also want to look into the bacon lip balm for when you’re not busy engaging in bacon-flavored cunnilingus.
Jsis.
On the surface, Philip Markoff looks like a pretty “normal” guy. He’s clean-cut, preppy, and attends the well-known Boston University as a medical student. But we all know everything is not what it appears, right? 
Markoff has been given the title of the “Craigslist Killer” after being suspected of killing Julissa Brissman, a pretty New York masseuse and attacking at least two other escorts in hotels. The 26-year old New Yorker who advertised her services on Craigslist had her head bashed in and was then shot three times. The break came hours after police released new security camera photos showing the clean-cut, 6-foot-tall suspect strolling casually to and from the three crime scenes peering into his Blackberry.
Markoff was set to marry Megan McAllister, a fellow med student he met during his undergraduate time at SUNY. In fact, a web page was set up dedicated to their planned wedding but has recently been taken down (check out the screen shot below). The two met in 2005, that’s 4 years of being with someone who you didn’t really know. That’s a crazy realization, but has she actually realized this or is she still in denial?
Those who knew Markoff are either completely shocked or describe him as “weird”, “creepy”, and as having “issues with women”. The latter are obviously the more insightful, intelligent ones.
Jsis.
Do I care what this movie is about? Hell no.
If there was any question about whether I was going to see this flick, Stallone’s body sealed the deal…
…and boom goes the dynamite.
If you ever need a solid endorsement for HGH, it is this picture. The man is 62 years old.
Enough about Sly’s physique. The movie, “The Expendables” is written, directed, and starring the man himself.
But what you don’t see here is the amazing rumored cast. Are you kidding me?!?!
First off, Ivan Drago and Rocky Balboa reunite.
Second, The Governator.
Third, one WWF and one UFC heavyweight champ.
Fourth, Mickey Rourke.
That is just a few of many rumored cast members.
This could be epic…deploying April 23rd, 2010.
Enfuego.
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Pictures have circulated around the internet revealing a nude Megan Calipari, just a day after her dad’s announcement to leave Memphis for Kentucky. Click here to see the full set.
-$.
Update: No emails are currently being accepted by the Rocksoft staff due to a flood of complaints and death threats to our Inbox by Pedobear, who feels gipped by this post. Normal e-mail practices will resume when/if the age of Megan Calipari is determined to be over 18. We apologize for this inconvenience.
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That just doesn’t seem fair.