And Cue The Chewbacca Yell…Now

“Bro, shut the eff up. I’m trying to…nevermind.”

FYI, the baby on the left is normal-sized. I’m not trying to be weightialist, but the newborn on the right is 19.2 pounds. That seems a little steep.

Word on the streets of Indonesia is that this man-baby is for real. I know one Boston Celtic that will be in need of a new nickname.

The baby is now comfortably situated in a North Sumatran hospital feasting on a diet of smaller babies and cheesecake puree.

Enfuego.

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Happy 64th Birthday, You Stud Muffin

Always dressed to impress, Phil doesn't have to look happy to look good.

Why so serious? Cheer up man, it’s your 64th birthday. Don’t be a sourpuss about getting old like your boy Michael Jordan. At least your still pulling in championships.

Straight outta Deer Lodge, Montana son!

Rocksoft has already professed its love for Phil Jackson, but the dude deserves recognition on his 64th. So blaze one up Phil, you got as many rings as you do fingers. Be proud.

Enfuego.

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Student Kills Intruder With Sick Samurai Combo Fatality

Those countless hours of Ninja Gaiden finally paid off for one serious gamer.

Here is a rule of thumb for thieves, don’t break into a residence of some college kid who owns a sword and wants to put it to real-life use. One burglar disregarded this rule and got his ass shanked to death.

This once again proves that it is truly impossible to defend against the Up, Down, Left, Right, A, B, Select, Start combo move.

Enfuego.

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DIRECTV vs. Versus

All I wanted to do was watch Texas @ Wyoming, but instead I get this?

Outrageous demands? Come on, Comcast only wants the souls of a dozen baby seals. I think DirecTV can afford to give that up. Right?

Enfuego.

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Coming Soon To Your Child’s Esophagus…

We don’t know much about the upcoming line of Lego products.  But by the looks of this Frank Lloyd Wright masterpiece, there is something to be excited about.

I’m just glad I finally found a Father’s Day present for Frank Gehry.

No bad sons here…

Enfuego.

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M&M’s and Coconut Finally Unite

Mars Corporation, this is long overdue. M&M’s are such a solid product and have the capability to take on some interesting flavors, however coconut managed to remain off the list. Until now.

Coconut M&M’s will be available as a limited edition flavor in stores this Summer and early word is that they taste as good as they sound.  

Definitely buying a few one pound bags of these.

On the other hand, the “Transformers” themed M&M’s, not so down…

Enfuego.

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Do You Believe in Magic?

Your name might be the Magic, but the real Magic resides in Los Angeles.

Tonight the NBA Finals begin and the Lakers face an unlikely, yet formidable, opponent in the Orlando Magic.

The two franchises are most commonly linked by the fact the Shaquille O’Neal played for both teams. Another link being Orlando’s team name and the name of the greatest Laker of all time. But this association is the first that comes to most people’s minds…

The Lakers’ 12th man vs. the Magic’s most unreliable 3-point shooter immortalized by this moment of athletic intimacy.

Not only do the Lakers have the Magic on their side, they got Adam Morrison.

Things are looking up.

Enfuego.

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The Media Gets Hard on Dick

That just doesn’t seem fair.

Enfuego.

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Throwing It Way Back to Catalonia

After taking home the UEFA Champions League title last night, it seems the FC Barcelona squad of 2009 is getting way too much attention.

This is an opportunity to give some love to the 1903 Catalan Football Championship winning FC Barcelona team that is often overlooked. They had it all:  strength, speed, good looks, and enviable mustaches.

These guys would have been proud to see their legacy carried on.

Enfuego.

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You Probably Do Drugs For Breakfast

The FDA today wrote to General Mills that information on the Cheerios box qualifies it as a drug.

Those claims indicate that Cheerios — said by General Mills to be the best-selling cereal in the United States — is intended to be used to lower cholesterol and prevent, lessen or treat the disease hypercholesterolemia, and to treat and prevent coronary heart disease.

 ”Because of these intended uses, the product is a drug,” the FDA concluded in its letter.

 Not only that, but Cheerios is a new drug because it has not been “recognized as safe and effective for use in preventing or treating hypercholesterolemia or coronary heart disease,” the FDA said.

If I understand this correctly, anything that claims to be good for your health is a drug? I need a good emoticon here, I just can’t figure out which one expresses “FIND SOMETHING BETTER TO DO FDA.”

Picture courtesy of freakingnews.

-$.

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Scottish Gangsters Drink This

Sexual bottles are always limited edition.

For its 100th birthday, Johnnie Walker Black Label is coming at us in this beautiful design for only £100. Only 100 bottles are available, individually numbered of course, and they are not available Stateside.

If you can track one down and are willing to drop $200 on a bottle whose contents normally would cost you $30, then go for it, I won’t stop you.

Enfuego.

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I Wish My Life Was Like This

Heaven must be auto-tune.

-$.

Manny ‘Testes’ Positive

Something was definitely awry today. When archaeologists study my life thousands of years from now, they will read my gmail chat transcripts and be befuddled when they come to this day:

Eric: dude
dude!
me: i know man i know

Nicole: damn
me: yea

Alexandra: did you read that???
me: yea

me: dude manny
Sent at 12:08 PM on Thursday
Jordan: so sad man
Sent at 12:32 PM on Thursday

Crash21071:  fucking manny
Sent at 2:33 PM on Thursday

Mikey: oh manny
me: yup

Hopefully said archaeologists will realize that Manny was just being Womanny.

Poor guy.

-$.

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They Call Him The Birdman

Many people have been nicknamed The Birdman over the years, but none more fitting than Song Dong of Garden Grove, California.  This guy thought it would be a good idea to try and smuggle 14 live birds on a flight from Vietnam to Los Angeles.

There have been more creative moves in the history of smuggling, Mr. Dong simply had these birds hidden under his pants. His cover was only blown once people started to notice the feathers and bird shit exiting his pant legs. The passengers were not fooled by his claim that it was human shit and that he had been on a feather-heavy diet in recent days.

I don’t know how much money he was looking to make off this job, but I cannot think of much worse than sitting in coach for 12 hours with 14 live birds attached to my legs. You can’t even prop one leg on top of the other without running the risk of breaking a few bird necks.

What Dong will receive is a 10 year sentence in prison if convicted…

Fuggin’ humans. 

Enfuego.

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Happy Meal Not So Happy After All

In Fribourg, Switzerland, police are looking into a somewhat odd and grotesque claim that has been made by a 7-year old girl. The girl claims that she found a condom in her Happy Meal. Specifically, the condom was found amongst the little girl’s french fries. The girl’s mother called to inform authorities of the finding. Police said Monday they were investigating where the condom came from and how it got into the Happy Meal. They said an analysis was being done to determine if the condom posed a health risk. This could be another one of those planted items at a fast food joint in hopes to sue and get money. We all remember the finger that was planted at Wendy’s in the chili. 

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Jsis.

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